What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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