theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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