i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
