if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
