I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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