maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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