fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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