Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
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He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
