You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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