I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
