She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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