A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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