thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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