how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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