I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
