I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
