Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
