Swine flu. Run for my life!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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