I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
