That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
