And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
