...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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