I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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