is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
