your room smells of hookers.
And success
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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