I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
