I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
