I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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