Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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