I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Randomize
