Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
