if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
