I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
