Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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