i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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