Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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