Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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