Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
