Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
