When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
