I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
