also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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