super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
