Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
