My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
