Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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