i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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