You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
40s are totally the cure
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
