hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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