In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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