we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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