He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
